the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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