Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
