you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
