Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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