fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
