Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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