i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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