he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
zippers are such a cool invention
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
