Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
