so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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