i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
