R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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