Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
