I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
