my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
