toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
