You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
