I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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