I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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