No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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