I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i believe in u and ur pee
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
