cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
