This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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