For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
