You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
