I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
