Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
is wine microwaveable?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
