is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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