fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
