Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
