She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize