Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
