you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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