my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
