Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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