I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
