I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How does it feel to date your dad?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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