we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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