I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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