Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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