Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Girls should come with a carfax report
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Randomize
