He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
