Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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