3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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