SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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