just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
