so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
