I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
