Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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