go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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