FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
