Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
