So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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