A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
