i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
