so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
