I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
