My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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