yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
