I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the condom got lost in my hair
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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