i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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