I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
