I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
last night I used snow as a chaser
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
