God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
