last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
