I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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