Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
