You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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