is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
