I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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