toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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