Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
