don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just invented taco cereal.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
